Abstract
The Filipino family dynamics have evolved because of globalization and migration. This has changed the traditional family norms in the Philippines. As a result, the number of Stay-At-Home-Fathers (SAHFs) has increased, with fathers becoming primary givers and mothers becoming breadwinners. A phenomenological qualitative study was utilized in this study to understand the lived experiences of SAHFs focused on their life history, present experiences, and their reflections on hopes and aspirations. Reasons for becoming a SAHF are largely based on the socioeconomic status of the family and the readiness to end the cycle of poverty. Though there is an increased number of SAHFs, they continue to face isolation, stereotypes, and stigma. They expressed a desire for greater appreciation and understanding of their parental and emotional lives as fathers while finding balance in their new role and contribution to the family.
Introduction
The concept of fatherhood is essentially a product of a socially constructed phenomenon. It that can be defined and analyzed from varying perspectives but not limited to socio-economic and cultural structures; hence, fatherhood becomes a subjective and dynamic concept, practice, role, and way of life (Schwandt, 2000). Fatherhood becomes a turning point in every man's life where major changes in priorities happen (Carlson & Turner, 2010). This is often associated with the caring for and nurturing a family (Coltrane, 1996). In this framework, according to Stryker (1968), the social interactions of every individual facilitate how we value, appreciate, interpret, and internalize one's status and roles in the family and society, which explains the varying views of the meaning of fatherhood.
On the other hand, the conceptualization of Stay-at-Home Fathers (SAHFs) may also vary from different perspectives but most researchers conceptualize SAHFs as a product of socio-economic circumstances where fathers become the primary caregivers (Davis et al., 2020; Lee & Lee, 2018). These socio-economic circumstances have become a big factor for the family to consider labor migration. As migration takes mothers outside their homes, gender roles and expectations start to shift and change; thus disrupting the cultural ideology of fatherhood and motherhood, and domesticity that eventually led to transnational family life. Now, mothers must leave their homes in order to alleviate their lives out of poverty while fathers started to have taken more traditional roles as caregivers of their left-behind children (Graham & Jordan, 2011; Walters, 2011). Transnational families now restructure their family dynamics by shifting gender roles through role sharing and validation (Garabiles et al., 2017).
In the 2020 released report of the Philippine Statistics Authority (2020), the proportion of female Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) (56.0%) was significantly higher than the male OFWs (44.0%) of which 70% of the Filipinos who leave the country are married women with children. This phenomenon is gradually changing the Filipino family dynamics, and fathers must adopt a new role in the absence of the wife. The SAHFs nearly doubled globally since 1989 and reached its peak in 2010 just after the official end of the recession (Livingston, 2014). In the Philippines, while both sexes have been hit by the economic recession, it appeared that men have been affected disproportionately compared to their female counterparts.
In a Filipino family culture, the family has always been the most important social group in society. This is a collective view of Filipinos that places unequaled value on the family (Jocano, 1998). From a family systems perspective, mothers and fathers have individually unique and mutually interactive roles and contributions in the family. Traditionally, fathers play the role of the breadwinners while mothers as caregivers of the family (Alampay & Jocson, 2011). However, the traditional structure of a Filipino family has changed with the advent of globalization and migration where most mothers endure labor migration. Opportunities for Filipino men to work abroad began to decline while the demand for women, who are prized for their warm and amiable nature, increased in the service industry as domestic helpers. Hence, the traditional breadwinner fathers and housekeeper mothers are becoming less and less, while the SAHFs are growing in numbers (Lorber, 2010; Wayman, 2011).
Participants face considerable negative stereotypes and social stigma as SAHFs, which resulted in negative feelings such as the feeling of sadness, isolation, unhappiness, embarrassment, and stress (Holmes et al., 2021). It is also reported that SAHFs are judged as incompetent caregivers (Stevens, 2015) and that a father will never fulfill a mother's role (Dienhart, 1998; Snitker, 2018). These experiences have an important implication for the overall wellbeing of the family, especially on parents’ physical and mental health. As far as this study is concerned, very limited have been conducted in this area, specifically on examining the opportunities and challenges these fathers experience especially in the case of the traditionally rooted Filipino family (Pingol, 2001). For this reason, the researchers are motivated to conduct the study and understand SAHFs lived experiences, and help policy makers, health experts, practitioners, and clinicians find responsive programs to protect the wellbeing of every family.
This research sought to collect descriptive data on the following research questions: (1) what are the situations/circumstances that led the participants to become SAHFs?; (2) what are the social and psychological impacts of being a SAHF?; and (3) what are the hopes they hold on for the future? It aims to open more research opportunities to address issues concerning but not limited to parental care arrangements, familial issues, family relationship dynamics, and masculinity norms and expectations.
Method
Research Design and Procedure
This study used phenomenology to explore the lived experiences of SAHFs. Individual interviews, focus group discussion, and journaling were employed to gather all necessary data until data saturation is achieved. Each interview was unique and interesting in its own way. The researchers had no formula or model to follow. The researchers used an extensive interview guide; but it was just that, a guide. These questions were used to get at the major topics the researchers hoped to discuss. The researchers let each interview follow its own natural course, and encouraged participants to elaborate on whatever topic they desired to share. In fact, when contacting the participants about the interviews, the researchers used the term “conversation,” rather than “interview to facilitate a more conversational and informal tone to help build rapport with the participants, and foster a more open, honest, and insightful responses. The researchers ensured the participants’ privacy and confidentiality in the overall research process in accordance with the Philippine national ethical principles” (Philippine Health Research Ethics Board, 2017). After explaining the purpose, risks, benefits of the study, and the length of the interview, the participants were asked if they have any questions or clarifications. All questions and concerns were addressed prior to the signing of the informed consent form. The participants were made aware that if they withdrew, none of their data would be used in the analysis. Participants were also allowed to select a pseudonym for the purpose of the study.
Following the data collection and transcription, the researchers listened to and read the interviews a number of times in order to become familiar with the data. This allowed the researchers to note the digital recording such as gestures or facial expressions. van Manen’s (1990) phenomenological analysis approach was used to provide a framework for reflecting and interpreting the phenomenon. During the analysis, the researchers explored and investigated the lived time experiences of the participants that uncovered their past, present, and future circumstances as SAHFs. The phenomenon was then described by writing and rewriting where essential themes emerged as something thoughtful about SAHFs’ experiences. The researchers ascertained the interconnectedness of themes to the individual interviews and that of the whole and determine if the interpretation fits the context of a specific section, in addition to the overall data collected.
Profile of the Participants
A maximum of six participants was sought using the purposive sampling method based on the following criteria set by researchers: (a) the wife is working overseas for more than 2 years; (b) participants of the study must be a SAHF for 2 years and above; (c) adopted the role as a primary caregiver; and, (d) spent most of the time at home either by caring for their children or doing household chores. The participants’ ages varied from 34 to 58 years old. Of six participants, only one had graduated from high school and the rest never had the chance to finish high school mainly because of poverty. The participants’ profiles also showed that they were less educated compared to their wives. The average monthly remittances received by the participants range from 15,000 to 20,000 pesos with an average of three children per household. Of this amount, a significant portion of it is spent on food and the education of their children.
Participant 1
Bot* (58 years old) is a father of four children ages 4 to 13 years old. He was an elementary graduate but was forced to leave high school when he was in his second to care for his ailing mother, which was expected of him as the eldest child. He carried the burden of the family and decided to sacrifice all his dreams. This experience made a significant impact on his married life as he willingly took the responsibility of becoming the primary caregiver of the family as her wife embarked on labor migration. He also shared how his family struggled out of poverty where most of their savings in the past were used for her mother's medication.
Participant 2
Bert* (55 years old) is a father of a four-year-old boy. He is the only participant who graduated from high school. Bert struggled to have a stable work. He used to farm but it was not enough to support their daily expenses. When her wife considered working abroad, he showed his support for their son's future of having a better life condition. Sometimes, Bert is wrongly portrayed as lazy and clueless by his neighbors being a SAHF, even how much work he put in as a father.
Participant 3
Red* (36 years old) is a father of a six-year-old daughter. He did not finish high school because of poverty and he got married at an early age. Working as a part-time driver could not sufficiently support his family. The impact of poverty has extremely restricted him from having quality education and employment opportunities. As a result, his wife decided to take her chances to work abroad as a domestic helper. It was a family decision where Red assured his wife to take good care of their one and only daughter.
Participant 4
Boy* (40 years old) is a father of two girls ages 8 and 12 years old. As a full-time father, he learned to appreciate his responsibility but still faces negative stereotypes and social stigma for not looking for work to help his family. It is even more painful because some of his family members would make the same remarks.
Participant 5
Ben* (49 years old) is a father of two children, a 9-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl. His family struggled financially and because of poverty he never finished high school. He spent most of his time working at the farm until he got married. Farming is a noble work but it cannot support his family's daily needs. Ben has made wrong decisions in his life but never considered his marriage as part of it. Ben is a full-time father and willingly took the challenge for the sake of his children. Ben struggled in his family life because he lacks support from his own family as a SAHF. He has no choice but to endure it.
Participant 6
Ivler* (34 years old) is the youngest participant of the study with a 5-year-old daughter. Poverty was also the main reason why he did not finish high school. Instead of going to school, he began helping his parents at the farm. When he got married, he experienced so much pressure in the family not until his wife decided to work abroad. It was also a family decision with Ivler's commitment to take care of their daughter. He shared that he does not want her parents or other people to be burdened in caring for her own daughter even in the face of all social stigmas and stereotypes of being a SAHF.
Findings and Discussions
Three major themes emerged from the data analysis: (a) Cycle of Poverty; (b) The Face of Isolation, Stereotype, and Stigma; and (c) The Hope of a Father. These themes highlight the lived experience of SAHFs. The participants found their voices and reflectively shared their memories and experiences in an atmosphere of openness and interest in the research. Their voices described the intricacies of their journeys and their lived experiences.
Cycle of Poverty
Most conversations began with a discussion of the personal information of participants, and how and why they became SAHFs. Almost all of them described the decision to become a SAHF because of a “struggling life.” In fact, no formal decision was truly made.
Reasons for becoming SAHFs were the product of uncontrolled personal and social circumstances in the past as evidenced by the cycle of poverty that greatly resulted in their lack of education and socio-economic mobility. Given the difficult family situation with limited resources to create opportunities to advance themselves, they considered labor migration in the hope of breaking this cycle of poverty in the family. Bot* shares: We have been living in poverty since I was a child. I have a lot of dreams for my family but poverty continued to deprive us with education, access of health care and employment. I have to stop schooling to take care of my ailing mother. I already made so many sacrifices in life in the hope that one day I can provide better life condition with my own family. Now that I have my own family, still we struggle out of poverty. This pressure sometimes becomes a reason of conflict in our family relationship. The depression and anxiety I feel is worse knowing that I have done everything already. What will happen to my children. I just don't want them to experience what I experience in the past.
Participants worried about the impact of poverty have on their children. It increases their stress levels, which in turn affects the healthy functioning of their family. SAHFs experiences affirm Bánovčinová et al. (2014) research findings that economically deprived parents struggle to fulfill their parental roles which in effect can greatly affect the development of their children. It can also cause severe strains on the spousal relationships that could result to increase family dysfunction (Conger et al., 1999). However, what also appears in the experiences of the participants is their resilience to address poverty in the family through a shared belief, adjustment, and adaptation response (Walsh, 2003). Labor migration was thought to be the answer to their family problem. Participants have shown deep and immediate support for their wives decision to work abroad with the commitment to take care of their children. Bert* narrates: Now that I have my own family, I thought we can gradually make our lives better as I have my life partner now. I thought it was that easy. I was wrong. Even combining both our incomes, still it cannot sufficiently support our needs. We struggled to meet the basic costs of education, food and healthcare in our family. Poverty was the main reason why as a family we considered labor migration. It was a painful decision on our part as parents but we need to do it for our children's future.
The social and economic deprivation of SAHFs since childhood tends to cumulate where they experienced the difficulty in escaping poverty as adults. Additionally, this financial uncertainty in the family became a major stressor in trying to meet their family's basic needs. The pressure of poverty has eventually led them to change traditional gender roles in the family. Ivler* explains: Being without a stable work was very, very hard especially as the head of the family. I struggled a lot just to provide put food on our table. I failed family. My wife's decision to work abroad as a domestic helper was not easy. But what shall we do. I don't have any luck in applying for work. As a high school undergraduate, opportunities are very rare. Now, the direct childcare responsibility is on me.
Several factors indicate that there has been a reverse trend of gender roles, where masculinization of poverty has taken place. The participants are being marginalized because they are less educated having lack employment opportunities and remained to be unemployed up to this date. This result is further validated by Kramer et al. (2015) that there are huge changes in the modern family setting where mothers became the primary earners because the husbands are less educated with limited career opportunities. The participants’ decision to become SAHFs is out of necessity, rather than having that desire to make caregiving their primary role. Bot* explains: As the head of the family, I will do anything for my family. But I have already exhaust all possible means to secure our daily expenses. Part-time jobs can't just address the problem. Farming might be a good solution but we don't have our own parcel of land to farm … and if I work for people in the farm, it cannot just support us. My decision to be a SAHF was not really out desire but of necessity. If we want to end this cycle of poverty in the family, then we need to make sacrifices for our children's future.
Although in gender studies, poverty is always attributed to women as they called “feminization of poverty” but due to role reversal and in the context of post-modernization, drastic changes were experienced in the traditional role of being man and woman. The researchers found that men were also victims of being socially and economically deprived as a product of personal and societal circumstances. Reasons for becoming a SAHF are largely based on socio-economic reasons and readiness to end the cycle of poverty.
The Face of Isolation, Stereotype, and Stigma
SAHFs indicated that there were significant challenges and frustrations being the primary caregiver in the family. SAHFs are trapped by unending tasks inside and outside the home. Their whole week time is most likely spent taking care of children and doing household chores like washing clothes, preparing and cooking foods, and attending a meeting in school. Ben* recounts: Being a fulltime father is never easy. I now realized the sacrifices and hardwork of mothers for their family. Honestly, I do not have time for myself. My day would usually start as early as 4:00 in the morning until 11:00 in the evening. This is all to attend the needs of my children and my work in the farm. My life is just confined within our house. Sometimes, I feel depressed and isolated by how other people see me as a SAHF.
SAHFs’ feeling of isolation is centered on taking the traditional role of a mother in a family. It deprived them of getting along with friends (Johnston & Morrison, 2007). Participants showed how society imposes specific standards of ways as men (Moller, 2007). However, participants understand why they are in this kind of situation and never made it as an excuse not to fulfill their role in the family. According to Perrone et al. (2009), individuals who develop deep commitment in the family will be more satisfied. Moreover, this level of satisfaction will mean fulfillment of family roles. Boy* also shares: I take full responsibility in the family. I never depend on anybody as a SAHF. I help them in school assignments as long as I can. When they need my presence for school activities, I am always available. It has been always my commitment to my wife to fulfill my obligations as a father. My wife has been very supportive. I may not have any time for other pleasure activities but seeing my children happy and secured is beyond happiness.
The participants are easily judged for not observing the roles congruent with their sex and gender as society expects them to be breadwinners and not caregivers (Chesley, 2011; Moss-Racusin et al., 2010). However, SAHFs experiences showed their active role as fathers for their children even in the midst of social and cultural pressures (Peng & Wong, 2016). Lee and Lee (2018) affirmed in their study that SAHFs encounter many challenges along the way like isolation, depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues. Bert* narrates: I feel the pressure of the overwhelming expectations of the society. I am hearing negative criticisms and humiliation for being lazy, dependent and unmanly. And it is not just right. What is wrong with a father who loves his family. I know there is nothing wrong with me as SAHF but it just pains me to hear such insulting words.
The participants also claimed that even their family members criticize them for their ability to be caregivers of their children. Despite finding ways to succeed in their roles as SAHFs, they are not appreciated. As a consequence, participants refrained from joining social activities due to fear and anxiety of being negatively stereotyped by others. Bert* recalls: If I see my classmates, I feel ashamed of my situation for not being the breadwinner in the family. I have nothing to share with them because I am just a SAHF. Since then I never attended any of our school reunions. I feel like I’m so much behind. I am sorry for myself but I am just a SAHF.
Participants experienced self-isolation and self-pity. They have no time for personal development and socialization. SAHFs’ social activities were constricted because they are indebted to fulfill their new role as caregivers. Ivler* also shares: The last time my wife had her short vacation, she invited me to join her friends in a simple gathering … but I refused to accompany her for the very reason that I am just a SAHF. I don't have anything that she can be proud of. I don't have work. I am just a fulltime father at home. I am not the breadwinner of the family. I feel that I don't deserve to be called as the head of the family.
SAHFs continue to face recurring feelings of social isolation and stigma in the society. As they fulfill multiple gender roles in the family, social interactions have become less. Most of the time, the only conversation of participants is with their children. They spend a lot of time in their own homes. As a result, they have been misjudged and misinterpreted by society. Rochlen et al. (2008) affirm that this negative stigma associated with SAHFs has contributed to the increased stress and pressures among them. However, it is important to note that participants’ experiences still showed their determination to endure such challenges for the sake of the family. They learned to develop positivity and joy toward their situation. Bert shares: I cannot just sacrifice my family for other activities just to satisfy others’ expectations. I love my family. I can endure all of this. I may have struggles as a SAHF but this is nothing compared to my wife's sacrifices working abroad. Honestly, I find joy in seeing my children grow. Seeing them happy and healthy is the most rewarding experience I have as a SAHF.
Bot* added:
I feel isolated … I feel down every time I am misjudged as lazy and unmanly. I know my children could feel what I am struggling with. There was a time when they tried to comfort me by buying me my favorite food. They may not say anything about the issue I face but their actions are more than words to reassure me how they are proud of me. It was truly a rewarding experience for me. I am so happy to know that they also care.
Ivler* also commented on the joy and fulfillment of fatherhood that has brought him:
I enjoy being with my daughter. It brings out my childlike side in playing with her. When we watch her favorite cartoon show together, I see the excitement in her eyes … and that makes me so happy. I feel blessed and loved.
Boy* explains:
Poverty and stigmas have never stopped me to become a father. I made a promise to my wife and I never lost sight of my commitment in our marriage to “live happily ever after.”
SAHFs have demonstrated how they keep their feelings of social isolation and stress levels down. They learned to embrace the optimism of their situation and not become trapped in the cycle of frustration and resentment. SAFHs experiences also highlighted their joy and reward in seeing their children grow healthy and affectionate, which is in contrary to what Castelain-Meunier (2002) has reported where fatherhood is espoused only with emotional and practical difficulties.
The Hope of a Father
Hockley (1993) defined hope as an active process that is more than just expectation. The participants’ experiences resonated with a renewed purpose for living. They were able to find meaning and have grown personally to readjust their thinking to optimism for their future. Boy* shares: My role in the family is very challenging. But my wife's appreciation of how I secure and provide the needs of our children makes everything lighter. I know how painful it is for her to leave us … that is why I do everything to help her and become the best father for the family. Her hard work inspires me to go on. Nothing can equal her sacrifices for our family.
According to Bot, he feels depressed and missed his wife when their children are sick. He hopes that in the near future they will live together in abundance. Bot* narrates: It is very hard to do things alone at home. I miss my wife. I only hope that her hard work will be paid off and soon be reunited with us. In times of uncertainty, sickness, conflict and frustrations, I always pray to God and keep in touch with her. I am proud to say that we have learned to develop certain level of intimacy across borders. I know God is with us.
The participants found meaning and purpose in their life that becomes more earnest after this life-changing event of becoming a SAHF. They also hope that people around them will understand their situation. Ben* shares: As a SAHF, honestly, I need more of affection, understanding and support from my very own family. I am distressed every time I face negative social stereotypes and stigmas and it is even more painful to hear it from your relatives. I feel so much stress which affected our family relationship. Even how much work I put for the family, they still have something to say negatively.
From the participants’ experiences, the strong “machismo” culture is still prevalent, where beliefs and expectations for men in society should remain in a traditional role, or what is to be a man (Arciniega et al., 2008). SAHFs are routinely confronted with social stigma and stereotypes due to the breaking of these social norms surrounding masculine behavior. This finding revealed the need to address the social and psychological needs, and the overall subjective wellbeing of SAHFs (Davis et al., 2020). It is believed that having responsive interventions to the experiences of SAHFs can foster more compassionate and sensitive caregivers (McFarland-Piazza et al., 2012). Ivler* also shares his hope of having a support group: I truly hope everyone understands our situations. Our situation does not make us less masculine or even lazy fathers. There is happiness as a fulltime father. I only hope that there can be someone or support group who can listen to our problems and challenges so that we can become the best fathers that we can be.
Gray and Anderson (2010) reported that support groups are important to SAHFs’ overall wellbeing. Boy* acknowledges the support of his parents during the time when he was starting his journey as a SAHF: The first two months as a SAHF was the most challenging. I find it not enjoyable and rewarding. But at some point, I realized how selfish I was to think about it. I felt guilty of not owning the responsibility. I truly care and love my family. My mother-in-law was truly instrumental helping me realized my role in the family. She made me understand the importance of my family. I am just so thankful for her support.
After weeks and months of adjustments, the participants grow a sense of pride and fulfillment in redefining their fatherhood as SAHFs. Rochlen et al. (2008) also noted having a familial support system can even help them feel more of a sense of pride in their newly embraced role in the family. SAHFs experiences showed how the value of family is embedded in one's family (Bermudez & Mancini, 2013) and that a shared sense of familism has become instrumental in the resiliency of the participants in overcoming adversities.
Conclusion
This phenomenological study reports on the lived experiences of SAHFs focused on their life history, present experiences, and their reflections of hopes as fathers. This has provided the context for understanding the reasons for entering the new role in the family, its social and psychological impact, and the meaning of their experiences. Overall, lack of education, economic opportunities, and social mobility, as experiences of the cycle of poverty, were the prevailing reasons for becoming a SAHF. Life of SAHFs has ensued experiences of isolation, negative stereotypes, and stigma that affected their healthy functioning in the family and society. This occurs in different layers like self-isolation and self-pity as they are trapped by the unending tasks inside and outside the house. Participants’ responses highlighted the family's transnational resilience by having shared familial value for both the OFW mothers and SAHFs. In terms of support, no formal support was given to them. The much needed social and emotional support from the community is what the participants hope for.
Implication to Practice
Results of the study are significant for three important reasons: (1) as the number of SAHFs increases every year, findings of the study clearly illustrates that the society and families should extend their much needed socio-economic and emotional support. Awareness of the plight of SAHFs can offer a more healthy functioning family; (2) policy makers, health experts, practitioners, and clinicians may find responsive, inclusive, and culturally relevant programs and legislations to include the fathers in childcare, parenting, and interventions to address the physical and mental health of SAHFs; (3) family life education initiatives and its inclusion to school curriculum can be facilitated in collaboration with different groups and organizations. The cooperation between multiple sectors is necessary to break the cycle of social stereotypes, isolation, and stigmas in the society and increase family health and wellbeing. Rosenberg et al. (2006) fatherhood program model may be used to highlight family-centered practices where all family members are acknowledged and engaged to support meaningful family relationships.
Footnotes
Acknowledgments
The authors would like to express their sincere gratitude to the participants of the study who foster resilience and a positive attitude in creating a loving and nurturing transnational family environment. Your sacrifices and commitment will not go unnoticed. We are all beyond grateful and blessed. Thank you also to West Visayas State University for the continued support in carrying out the study.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The authors declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The authors received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
