Abstract
This narrative inquiry utilizes a Quare theory framework to explore the stories of Black same-gender-loving (SGL) male romantic couples and how they reconcile family matters. In this study, “family matters” is a double entendre, that is, highlighting the importance of family bond and ongoing familial conflicts that impact intimate relationships. The findings and implications of this study support counseling professionals with tools to work with Black SGL couples and families.
Keywords
Introduction
In many Black communities, family is often the cornerstone for support, decision-making, and resources (Frazier, 1939; Moynihan, 1965). It has been argued that this collectivistic approach in Black communities is a direct impact of chattel slavery. That is, when Black families were often sold to separate plantations and experienced difficulty staying connected or reconnecting (Battle et al., 2003; Moynihan, 1965). This separation of the family and community reinforced the necessity of events such as homecoming celebrations where community members return to places they call “home” (i.e., neighborhoods, churches, and schools) to share stories of growth and remembrance. However, remnants of chattel slavery continue to impact the Black familial experience through westernized practices, respectability politics, religious practices, and resistance to LGBTQIA+ family members (Ferguson, 2020; Battle et al., 2003; Kendi, 2018; Moynihan, 1965). For decades, Black families have been both overt and covert in their resistance to the LGBTQIA+ community, but in recent years, there has been an increase in the representation of Black same-gender-loving (SGL) romantic and familial relationships in the media. This shift amplifies Black queer stories but may also increase the risk of psychological, emotional, or physical harm. The increased visibility of Black SGL relationships creates an urgency for counselors to be prepared to support this population that has been under voiced in the literature. It is also important for counselors to be equipped to support family members who are also navigating the coming out experience.
Though there are valuable existing counseling competencies that address aspects of the compounded intersectional experiences, that is, racial identity (Ratts et al., 2016), affectional or romantic orientation (Harper et al., 2013), and relationship and family dynamics (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, 2004), no set of competencies addresses the uniqueness of Black SGL male couples navigating familial relationships. While each set of competencies focuses on cultural inclusivity and advocacy, little is said about the best counseling practices for Black SGL men, their relationship to same-gender partners, and their connection to family.
Purpose of Study
The purpose of this study is to identify how family matters influence the longevity and resiliency of SGL Black male romantic relationships. Exploring these narratives of the familial experience can help counselors and mental health professionals understand the barriers to wellness for Black SGL couples. This study will emphasize the double entendre of family matters, meaning that conflict and engagement with family are conduits for understanding relationship patterns and the maintenance of a family connection (either fictive or family of origin) matters to the vitality of the couple.
Literature Review
Researchers have long explored the experiences and identity formation of Black LGBTQIA+ individuals. Historically, much of the research has focused on the criminalization of LGBTQIA+ individuals (Ferguson, 2020; Battle et al., 2003), the impact of familial resistance to queer identity (Pastrana, 2016), and the role of religiosity in the Black queer development (Ferguson, 2020; Ferguson et al., in press). Until now, researchers have not focused on how familial experience directly impacts Black SGL romantic relationships. This literature review will investigate the influence of chattel slavery upon the construction and deconstruction of Black families. We will focus on Black family systems and the concept of kinship. Lastly, we review how kinship relates to Black SGL family members and relationship resiliency.
Deconstruction of the Family Unit
Researchers have identified that the White patriarchal norms and structures of oppression continue to impact the Black family through high infant death rates (Owens & Fett, 2019), reinforced yet ruptured matriarchal family system (Frazier, 1939), and a centralized heteronormativity for Black families (Battle et al., 2003). Battle et al. (2003) noted that an alignment toward heterosexuality, patriarchal values, and a nuclear family structure would create a remedy to social, political, and economic challenges Black families faced following the reconstruction era. In doing so, Black families have historically experienced external attacks to their security (i.e., racism, mass incarceration) while also engaged internal attacks (i.e., sexism and homophobia) toward one another (Battle et al., 2003).
These challenges highlight the thesis of Moynihan's (1965) report upon the pursuit of racial equality for Black families. In his report, Moynihan (1965) emphasized that liberation through civil rights and anti-slavery legislation was insufficient to maintain healthy Black families in America. While the report elucidated the influence of safety and kinship within Black families to promote relational and communal wellness, it also provided a gendered, patriarchal, and heterosexist response to curb crime and economic inequity within Black communities. These changes from a communal, matriarchal structure toward a nuclear, patriarchal structure disrupted the fluid formation of Black families who invited non-related individuals into the construction and development of the family unit. These individuals are claimed as “play cousins, aunties, and grandparents” better known in the literature as “fictive kin.”
Kinship Within the Black Community
Hays and Mindel (1973) weigh in on contributing factors to the collectivist approach in Black families and how it may show up within nuclear family, extended family, and fictive kinship. Their findings shared that, compared to their White counterparts, Black families reported more significant and meaningful relationships with their extended kin of all categories and have a higher number of intergenerational households. In addition, extended kins serve as a support structure that provide aid and comfort in difficult times (Hays & Mindel, 1973). Similarly, in a study of 4,484 participants, Cross (2018) reported that 57% of Black children have an extended relative in the home. Both Cross (2018) and Hays and Mindel (1973) identify how Black familial relationships and bonds are a necessity for survival and connectivity. Thus, the systemic oppression endured by Black families with additional minoritized identities can impact their access to collectivistic and interdependent living experiences.
These findings complicate Pastrana's (2016) research about experiences of outness and invitation for Black LGBTQIA+ family members. Pastrana (2016) reported that demographics, attitudes and identity, religion, and family all contributed to the degree of outness for Black LGBTQIA+ people. In fact, family support was significant and the most powerful variable to outness. It is evident that familial resistance to queer acceptance can create complexities for Black LGBTQIA+ family members. To remain in a family system that may subject them to additional oppression via heterosexism, homophobia, and transphobia was harmful, yet the maintenance of family connections, even to fictive kin, promoted safety and security in Black LGBTQIA+ persons.
The construction and maintenance of family within Black communities, then, are necessary for Black queer identity development. This ongoing push to resist systemic deconstruction of the Black family persists in our exploration of family matters within Black SGL relationships and the prioritization of family and the collective above all else. Thus, the purpose of this study is to explore the stories of family within Black SGL male relationships and its influence upon the longevity and persistence of those relationships.
Methodology
Our focus centered on identity construction in becoming a Black SGL couple and navigating that identity within a family system. Our understanding of individual and couple identity development relied on the participant's recount of lived experiences through storytelling, contextualized within their life history of space, time, characters, and conflict (Bruner, 2004; Riessman, 2008). Further, this reflection of conflict and action within the story is held within the context of an intersectional and interactional experience of culture, race, and sexuality between characters (Duran & Jones, 2019). Thus, our constructivist and intersectional framework led to the use of socioculturally centered narrative inquiry to clarify the retelling of stories and their significance in exploring the impact of family relationships upon the longevity of Black SGL male couples (Crenshaw, 1991; Riessman, 2008).
Our methodological framework engaged narrative inquiry as the basis of our interaction with participant experiences, and our reflection upon their stories was grounded within Quare theory as a theoretical underpinning of our study. Quare theory critiques “queer” theory through decentering White, middle-class hegemony and interrogating the experience of race and class for Black queer/Quare folx (Johnson, 2005). Scholars integrate Quare theory as a structure for understanding the queer Black experience and shaping the context of queer Black stories apart from the homogeneous White assumptions within queer theory (Johnson, 2005). Utilizing this theoretical framework grounded the stories of the participants within both their embodied experiences and their contextual settings for their family systems.
Recruitment and Participants
Upon receiving approval from the Institutional Review Board (IRB), the researchers utilized snowball sampling and criterion sampling techniques to acquire participants (Denzin & Lincoln, 2017). Digital flyers and recruitment posts were distributed via social media, listservs, and LGBTQIA+ community organizations. Potential participants were asked to complete informed consent, a demographic survey, and screening survey to verify that they met the inclusion criteria. Inclusion criteria were set for individuals who were at least 18 years of age, who self-identified as Black, African American, or of African descent; who self-identified as male (cis-, trans-, and transmasculine nonbinary folks included) and same gender loving (gay, queer, bisexual, and men who have sex with men [MSM]); and who have been in a relationship for no less than 3 years. These criteria aligned with Quare theory's understanding of gender and race (Johnson, 2005).
In this paper, we aggregated the demographic summary of our participants to help maintain confidentiality. At the time of the interview, all participants reported living in a metropolitan region with access to a Black queer community. Participants (n = 12) ranged in age from 29 to 37 (M = 32.25), and all identified as cisgender males. Participants self-identified their sexual orientation identity as gay (n = 8), gay/bi (n = 1), queer (n = 2), and pansexual (n = 1). All participants identified ethnically as African American, though one participant shared that they also identified themselves as Afro-Caribbean (n = 1). All but one couple self-identified as monogamous in their relationship configuration. The other couple did not define their relationship configuration at the time of screening. Couples’ length of relationship ranged from 3 to 6.5 years (M = 4.5). We describe each couple through the following pseudonyms and length of relationship: A, Lee and Jason (3 year); B, Adam West and KJ (6 years); C, Duke and Prince (5 years); D, Kesh and Nicholas (6 years); E, Raheem and Mitchell (3 years); and F, Bob and Sean (3 years).
Data Collection
The researchers conducted semi-structured interviews lasting 90–120 min with each couple (Denzin & Lincoln, 2017). Interviews were conducted and recorded virtually using a secure teleconferencing application. Interviews were conducted virtually through a secure online platform. All recordings were transcribed and uploaded to a secure, online, password-protected database. Upon initial analysis and review of the transcripts, participants were invited to engage in member checking via email and given the opportunity to have follow-up interviews to discuss any incongruencies or make clarifications to the initial analysis. Researchers were encouraged to maintain memos and field notes from interviews to clarify one's reflexivity to the data and the encounters of identity that impact narrative reconstruction alongside participant storytelling.
Data Analysis
We used narrative thematic analysis to construct and reconstruct meaning from each participant-couple's stories (Saldaña, 2021). The researchers enlisted a team trained in qualitative research techniques to help interpret and analyze the core narratives from participants. During the member checking process, five of the couples did not respond to follow-up inquiries which were interpreted as consent to proceed. One couple participated in a follow-up interview, the results of which enhanced the interpretation of their narrative experiences with family members.
Using a Quare theoretical framework (Johnson, 2005), we developed initial codes related to the characters, plot, and locations of participant interactions with sexual identity development, relational identity development, and family systems development (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000). The research team identified commonalities and developed axial codes, defining quotes, categories, and themes within the second and third round of analysis, respectfully. All researchers collaborated to define the themes and categories from within Black and queer narratives to maintain connection to the grand narrative of Black SGL male relationships.
Trustworthiness
Maintaining confidentiality and ethical process was imperative to the veracity of this storytelling process. The first two authors engaged in bracketing interviews to identify their connections to the topic, specifically related to Quare relationship development and developmental experiences with family. Each author engaged in memoing and maintaining journals related to their analysis of data. During the analysis phase, researchers triangulated analysis through debriefing and exploration of codes and reconstruction of narratives during research meetings. Lastly, member checking through follow-up emails and interviews grounded the rigor of the overall analysis process.
Findings
All participants in this study provided narratives which explored how their family engagement influenced their understanding and meaning of their romantic relationships. The findings of this study examined the familial structure and how it continues to affect storytellers as they navigate the multiple communities they belong to as a Black SGL individual and as a couple. The following four themes emerged from the findings. First, storytellers recounted their experiences of witnessing familial interactions with LGBTQIA+ community members and reflected on the ways in which this affected their queer identity development and affectional orientation. Secondly, inviting family in occurred when storytellers share their stories of disclosing their affectional orientation with family members and how their outness altered their familial relationships and ties. Similarly, findings also highlighted storytellers’ experience with introducing partner to family and how those initial interactions influenced the relationship. Finally, the theme family matters is described as storytellers recounting past and ongoing experiences with family members that shaped their romantic relationships.
Familial Interactions With LGBTQIA+
All storytellers reflected on their observations of family members engaging with, commenting on, or showing resistance to the LGBTQIA+ community and how this informed their affectional and romantic orientation. Prince (Couple C) ruminated on how his family members’ interaction with the LGBTQIA+ community influenced his inviting in and identity development process. Prince stated: When I think about growing up, as Duke said, you receive a lot of those different messaging from family members. I don’t think that it's always explicitly said, but it's implicitly implied in many ways, through people's actions, through seeing how they react to things that happened on TV and things like that. It was a no-no… I knew that this was something that I wasn’t supposed to say, that I’m having these feelings about men.
In a similar sentiment, Adam West (Couple B) reflected on him witnessing his father's interaction with a transgender woman. Adam West shared: It was my mother's 50th birthday party. She was invited and I remember my mom and dad were having a conversation, and she comes up behind my dad and puts her hand on his shoulder. I am talking to my mom and, she moves on and I remember him [dad] immediately, like, ‘it knows not to touch me.’ Like didn’t even consider her a human. Didn’t say he or she, called [her], it. I remember [that] sticking in my head and that was like one of my earlier warnings.
Moreover, Sean (Couple F) shared how his upbringing and view of interaction influenced his willingness to share his affectional and romantic orientation with family members. Sean reminisced on how he engaged with a queer uncle prior to inviting others in. Sean shared: Leading up to the coming out, I was messaging my uncle who also identifies in the LGBTQ community. Just nervous about it. But then, my uncle was like, ‘You see I'm accepted and I never had any issues, with your father and so forth. So, you should just go and tell him and he will probably be happy to accept you.’
Inviting Family in
Storytellers shared their experiences of inviting family into the developing stories of their sexual identities. Each storyteller, while negotiating an internal sense of comfort with their sexuality, began sharing stories of inviting in family members (e.g., siblings, parents, extended family). In some ways, these conversations became a necessity to process recent developments in one's health and sexuality. Bob (Couple F) shared: At the end of my freshman year, I joined the Army National Guard…Toward the end of training, we had to like donate blood or something. So, I donated blood and that's how I found out that I was [HIV] positive…When I got called in…it was jarring, so I called my mom. My first reaction was, ‘Can I call my mom?’. She was alarmed…So that's how I came out. That was my coming out to my mom [and] to my siblings.
Family invitations to the narrative of sexuality also fostered ongoing conversations about roles and sexual practices, a primary concern of family members upon learning about the storytellers’ sexuality. Adam West (Couple B) stated: Once my mom and dad knew, I really gave two shits what anybody else were thinking. I think that's where even with doing the drag stuff here and there…I really don’t care what anybody else might say because my parents know I’m gay.
Duke also expressed his own struggles in inviting his family into his affectional and romantic experiences. Duke (Couple C) stated: We just had an incident with family members because my maternal side, they were just so supportive. When I told them, they were like … I was like, ‘Yeah, I have a partner. His name is Prince.’ They were like, ‘Is he White? Please don’t let him be White.’
Introducing Partner to Family
All storytellers reflected on introducing their partners’ to family members. Duke shared his experience with meeting Prince's mother for the first time and the ways in which she assessed her son's safety and protective factors within this SGL relationship. Duke (Couple C) stated: When your mother came to visit, I think she just didn’t know what to say or do. But I never felt like she mistreated me or anything like that. If anything, she was assessing the situation and asking lots of questions. ‘So who are you? Where are you from? Who your people?’ It was that type of interaction. And I don’t know if that's something that she would do with your sister too, if that's a type of this maternal instinct and wanting to know that my child is safe. I’m always nervous because my mother is, she's very straightforward…. while the intent may not be to say it and it comes across in a way it may come across in another way… But it went well, from what I thought. I was more nervous probably because I just wanted to make sure that everything went well. That's how that initial meeting unfolded, and the same nerves were felt when I met his sister for the first time and her daughters.
However, some storytellers explored positive introductory experiences. KJ (Couple B) shared how his introduction created space for comfort, connection, and care within the family system. He reflected: When I walked in the door, Adam West's dad was like, ‘Oh. Well, hey.’ First, Adam West's mom was like, ‘Well, what you want to eat? I don’t think you got to understand. I got everything under the sun….’ And so, she made me pick something to eat. And then, Adam West's dad was like, ‘Come to the back room. I want to show y’all something.’ And, he had this moonshine that he had got from somewhere…They wanted me to feel extremely comfortable.
Family Matters
In exploring narratives around family and their SGL relationship, storytellers articulated past and ongoing conversations that changed how they interacted with family and the story of their SGL relationship development. Jason (Couple A) shared his experience with his family's resistance to his partner and how he is navigating his familial experiences while maintaining his relationship. Jason stated: They don’t ask about him a lot, but it's still work in progress. One thing about me is like, I’m not going to force myself on you or force anyone on them about. Oh, you didn’t ask how's Lee is doing or anything like that. I kind of just leave it alone. were having a conversation and he's…having this huge party…I told him…, ‘I’ll come down and I’ll support…Do you mind if Prince comes?’ He was like, ‘Who is Prince?’…I was like, ‘You know, Prince. He [sang] at my graduation party. He met everyone.’ He said, ‘He didn’t meet me.’…I said, ‘What if he comes to the party?…he was like, ‘I don’t care…but I’m liable to say anything. I don’t want that around me.’…We got into this argument because…If you love me, then you have to love all of me, not parts of me. …I accept all of who you are.’…We went back and forth, and then…he started crying. He cried and he got it.
Kesh (Couple D) also shared his disappointment in his family's resistance to affirming his SGL relationship and his queerness in general. This lack of affirmation affected how he and his partner feel connected to the family system. Kesh said: The biggest…frustration… is that I haven’t had the chance to introduce Nicholas to the person who really has had a very good or bad influence on my life and who I am today. and not being able to have her also see and meet someone who makes me happy and who I love… I think about [that] daily like she may never meet him and may never know that, just because of her reluctance to accepting who I am.
Discussion
Participants in this study regularly discussed the healing nature of storytelling in their own process of re-engaging their narratives of family and same-gender relationships. These recounted stories helped the participants find clarity within a context of feeling known and seen with other queer Black male researchers. This context was conducive to their openness, providing a facsimile of African-American Oral Tradition and storytelling to process and heal from emotional and psychological hardship (Hays & Mindel, 1973; Johnson, 2008a). These experiences bolster the works of Ferguson et al. (in press) and Pastrana (2016) who acknowledge the importance of creating safety and clarity in communicating one's story around family and relationship effectively within the therapeutic context.
When exploring inviting in family members into their narrative of sexual orientation identity development and SGL relationships, storytellers spoke to both their sexuality and the concerns family members had regarding their “new” identities. Conversations around health status (HIV positive), gender and sexual roles (top vs. bottom), and race (Black vs. non-Black partners) all influenced how their family members processed the experiences of the storytellers’ sexualities. These curiosities align with our understanding of performance of gender and sexuality as a factor of sexual identity development in Black men (Johnson, 2005). It also connects to our understanding of Black family systems as the couple reconstructs their role within the system (Blair & Pukall, 2015; Pastrana, 2016).
As storytellers discern who they are within the couple, the Black SGL male couple, concurrently, discovers who they are within their family system (be it of origin or chosen family). Each couple noted having familial support from one or both families as they developed their relationship. Thus, acceptance and its contribution to relationship resilience and longevity become a protective factor to the longevity of the relationship. Family acceptance grounds our storytellers to develop strategies of resilience against a world of oppression for their minoritized identities. Similarly, the findings emphasized the power of Black family belongingness to the communal development of the storytellers’ SGL relationship. This insight connects to research that identifies the importance of belongingness to the wellness of Black individuals and LGBTQ+ individuals (Ferguson, 2020; Blair & Pukall, 2015; Johnson, 2008a; Pastrana, 2016).
This study challenges the westernized approach to couples counseling where the couple is observed as a unit in relationship to the family rather than a unit within a larger structure of family (Gottman & Gottman, 2008; Johnson, 2008b). This subtle difference acknowledges that Black SGL relationships, whether included within their family of origin or their “chosen/recreated” family, relies on the connectedness to this system to help strengthen and understand the tools that support the vitality of their relationship. Our approach encourages a specialized, culturally inclusive strategy for supporting Black SGL relationships nested within the context of Black American culture rather than a more generalized approach to couple's work.
Implications for Counseling Practice
The findings of this study suggest that it is important for counseling practitioners supporting SGL couples to seek training, supervision, and continuing education tailored to working with the couples and individuals of intersectional minoritized identities given complex familial experiences. Similarly, it is important for counseling practitioners to understand the unique experience of Black SGL male individuals and couples. Moreover, it can benefit counseling practitioners to complete thorough assessments to understand how familial dynamics and relationships influence Black SGL couple structure, attachment, and intimacy. For example, counselors can support Black SGL couples by mapping the couple's construction of communication and intimacy to one another through a genogram that centers within their interactions with family. This intervention might counter an assessment of the isolated unit's communication and intimacy patterns apart from the narrative of intimate communication developed within their family and communal systems.
Implications for Research
In order to decolonize and transform counseling research, researchers must consider differentiated approaches to investigating how cultural groups define and experience romantic relationships within the families. Similarly, future research examining how other intersectional minoritized communities navigate family and romantic expression, that is, BIPOC transgender community members, Black lesbian women, and Black gender non-conforming individuals, should be prioritized. Moreover, investigating how family systems influence relationship longevity and resiliency within interracial and mixed heritage SGL partnerships can also support counselors in identifying best practices when working with that community. Thus, it is also important to understand how interracial SGL romantic partners’ family engagement impacts relationship resiliency and longevity.
Conclusion
The evolution of the term family encourages us to think more inclusively of how we form and configure the family unit. Our study helps expand that definition of family as a resource for relationship vitality. Counselors and allied mental health professionals can help couples identify how the narratives around family help influence communication patterns, cultural identity development, and approaches to vulnerability within the relationship. Engaging in these practices and research techniques help mental health professionals recognize that romantic experiences across LGBTQIA+ communities and configurations are not a monolith especially when we highlight the significance of intersectional cultural identities.
Footnotes
Declaration of conflicting interests
The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
