Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

Sexual desire between romantic partners tends to decrease over time. A decrease in frequency of dyadic fantasies and an increase in frequency of extradyadic fantasies are typical manifestations of this process. The present diary study adopted an attachment-theoretical perspective to better understand why some people are less likely to fantasize about their partners. Both members of 100 romantic couples completed measures of relationship-specific insecurities, partner responsiveness, and frequency of sexual fantasies every evening for 42 days. Results showed that attachment insecurities were associated with lower frequency of dyadic fantasies. Partner responsiveness mediated these associations, such that attachment insecurities were associated with perceiving partners as less responsive, which, in turn, predicted lower frequency of dyadic fantasies. Men’s avoidance predicted higher frequency of extradyadic fantasies. These findings demonstrated the role of responsiveness in sustaining desire, suggesting that attachment insecurities bias people to perceive their partner as less responsive, thereby hampering sexual desire.

How accurately do romantic partners perceive each other’s sexual advances? Two preregistered studies investigated whether perceivers over- or underestimate the specific behaviors their partner uses to indicate sexual interest (directional bias), as well as correctly detect the particular pattern of those behaviors (tracking accuracy). We also tested if biased and accurate perceptions were moderated by gender and explored how bias and accuracy predicted relational outcomes. Results revealed strong evidence for tracking accuracy in judgments of sexual advances overall, and mixed results for directional bias. Gender moderated only directional bias, such that women consistently overestimated their partner’s sexual advances, whereas men underestimated or showed no bias. Finally, biased sexual advance perceptions were associated with sexual satisfaction and love for both perceivers and partners. Implications for relationship functioning are discussed.

Romantic partners often have differing levels of sexual interest. In these situations, lower desire partners may engage in sex for avoidance goals (e.g., to avoid disappointing their partner), which are associated with negative relational outcomes. An alternative strategy to sustain relationship quality may be to decline a partner’s sexual advances in positive ways. In two experimental studies and a dyadic daily experience study with a longitudinal follow-up, we examined the relationship outcomes of positive rejection compared to avoidance-motivated sex. Across studies, when people engaged in positive rejection, both they and their partner did not experience lower levels of relationship satisfaction compared to when they had sex for avoidance goals, although this was not true for sexual satisfaction. Chronic pursuit of sex for avoidance goals did, however, have detrimental consequences over time, whereas positive rejection helped sustain relationship satisfaction. Results suggest positive rejection behaviors may be a viable alternative to avoidance-motivated sex.

Monogamous individuals are believed to have better sex lives than those who are consensually non-monogamous (CNM). We compared the sexual satisfaction of CNM and monogamous individuals and also considered the relationship satisfaction of participants utilizing a non-targeted sample of CNM participants. We found that monogamous people reported slightly lower sexual satisfaction and lower orgasm rates than those who are CNM. Moreover, the type of CNM in which a person engages is important: swingers consistently reported higher sexual satisfaction than monogamous individuals, whereas those in open relationships had equivalent levels of satisfaction to those in monogamous relationships. Relationship satisfaction did not differ between CNM and monogamous groups. These findings do not support the perception that people in monogamous relationships have better sex than CNM individuals.

Among young women, hookups have been found to lead to varied emotional responses. The authors tested three hypotheses to disentangle these contradictory findings in a weekly diary study. A trait-level motives hypothesis suggests that trait-level motives moderate emotional responses to hookups. A motive satisfaction hypothesis suggests that emotional responses to hooking up depend on satisfaction within hookups. A dual-effects hypothesis proposes the co-occurrence of positive and negative emotional responses. In this study, 203 college women reported trait-level motives for hooking up (e.g., pleasure/fun, intimacy, coping). Next, 5 weekly surveys asked about recent hookup experiences. These responses were compared to the same women’s emotions on weeks they did not hook up, thereby controlling for selection bias. All three hypotheses were supported. Pleasure/fun motives predicted more positive and less negative emotions; satisfaction of pleasure, intimacy, and affirmation motives resulted in more positive and less negative emotions; and simultaneous positive and negative reactions were common.

The experience of emotional intimacy is assumed to play a particularly large role in maintaining sexual desire and partnered sexual activity in romantic relationships of longer duration. It is unclear whether the effect of intimacy on sexual contact between partners is direct or indirect, via its impact on sexual desire. Baumeister and Bratslavsky suggested that a certain increment in emotional intimacy causes a greater increment in sexual desire in men than in women. In the present study, we aimed to test the mediating role of sexual desire between perceived intimacy and sexual partner interaction and the gender effect as hypothesized by Baumeister and Bratslavsky. Experience sampling methodology in the participant’s natural environment was used. At 10 quasi-random moments per day, during 7 consecutive days, 134 participants reported their feelings of emotional intimacy, sexual desire, and sexual activity. The direct effect of intimacy on sexual partner interaction was not significant, but an indirect effect via sexual desire was observed. The strength of the association between intimacy and sexual desire diminished over time, from the strongest effect when intimacy, sexual desire, and sexual activity were measured simultaneously to a very small, but significant effect at an average time lag of 3 hr. At still larger time gaps, no effects were found. Men reported a higher average level of sexual desire than women, but the strength of the link between (increases in) intimacy and sexual desire was not different between the genders. The present findings suggest that in both male and female partners in romantic, long-term relationships, higher levels of intimacy are associated with higher sexual desire, which is, in turn, associated with higher odds for partnered sexual activity to occur. The temporal association of increasing intimacy and subsequent sexual desire appears not to be different in women and men.

Most first-time mothers experience a decline in both their sexual and relationship satisfaction from prepregnancy, which has negative consequences for the couple and their family. Prior studies have begun to identify risk and protective factors (e.g., empathy) for postpartum sexual and relationship satisfaction. Causal attributions for postpartum sexual concerns may be important because a specific cause can be difficult to pinpoint given the wide range of postpartum sexual problems among first-time parents. In the current study, 120 first-time mothers (3–12 months postpartum) completed validated measures assessing attributions for postpartum sexual concerns, sexual satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction. Attributions were measured on four dimensions: internal/external (i.e., is the sexual concern due to the self or the situation), stable/unstable (i.e., will the cause of the concern occur again in the future), global/specific (i.e., will the cause of the concern affect other situations), and partner responsibility (i.e., is the partner the cause). When new mothers reported more stable and partner attributions for postpartum sexual concerns, they were less sexually satisfied, and when they attributed greater responsibility for sexual concerns to their partners, they were less satisfied with their overall relationship. These associations remained significant after controlling for potential challenges that may also impact sexual and relationship satisfaction during this period (i.e., breastfeeding, sexual frequency, depressive symptoms, fatigue, sexual functioning). As postpartum sexual concerns are common, attributions for these changes may be a valuable target for interventions aimed at strengthening the intimate relationships of women making the transition to parenthood.

Infidelity can have harmful consequences for all those involved. Although prior research has demonstrated some reliable associations between certain personality traits and infidelity, the associations between other personality traits and infidelity are less clear. Moreover, prior research has been limited in addressing the role of partner personality and whether any effects are independent of relationship satisfaction. Thus, we pooled data from two 3-year longitudinal studies of newlywed couples to examine the associations between both couple members’ personality (Big Five and narcissism) and infidelity, controlling and not controlling for marital satisfaction. Wives high (versus low) in extraversion and husbands and wives with partners high (versus low) in neuroticism or extraversion were more likely to engage in infidelity regardless of whether we controlled for satisfaction. Husbands with partners high (versus low) in narcissism were more likely to engage in infidelity, though this effect was no longer significant when controlling for satisfaction. These findings demonstrate that even predicting a behavior as self-oriented as infidelity requires considering the qualities of both couple members, highlighting the importance of adopting a dyadic approach to relationships.

Sexual activity with one’s partner is an important component of well-being and is linked to physical, emotional, and cognitive health. However, it is unclear why some older adults are more interested in sex and some less so. Their own characteristics, those of their partner, and characteristics of the relationship may all be important. We define sexual interest as consisting both of the motivation to seek sex with a partner and willingness to have sex when asked. We measure this construct using data from both members of 953 couples in the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project. We focus in this article on the impact of psychological and social factors on older adults’ interest in sex, as well as the impact of their partners’ characteristics on their own interest in sex. We find that individuals with high perceived positive marital quality, a more positive and open personality, a large network of family, and better physical health showed greater interest in sex. Characteristics of their partner generally had little association with sexual interest.

Approximately 4% of individuals in North America participate in consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) relationships, wherein all partners have agreed to additional sexual and/or emotional partnerships. The CNM relationships are stigmatized and viewed as less stable and satisfying than monogamous relationships, a perception that persists despite research evidence. In our study, we assess the legitimacy of this negative perception by using a self-determination theory (SDT) framework to explore how sexual motivation impacts relational and sexual satisfaction among CNM and monogamous participants in romantic relationships. A total of 348 CNM (n = 142) and monogamous participants (n = 206) were recruited from Amazon’s Mechanical Turk (MTurk. (2016). www.mturk.com) to complete a cross-sectional survey. Participants reported on their sexual motivations during their most recent sexual event, their level of sexual need fulfillment, and measures of sexual and relational satisfaction with their current (primary) partner. The CNM and monogamous participants reported similar reasons for engaging in sex, though CNM participants were significantly more likely to have sex for personal intrinsic motives. No differences in mean levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction were found between CNM and monogamous individuals. Participants who engaged in sex for more self-determined reasons reported increased relational and sexual satisfaction. This relationship was mediated by sexual need fulfillment; participants who reported more self-determined motives reported higher levels of need fulfillment and, in turn, greater relationship and sexual satisfaction. This study indicates that CNM and monogamous individuals report similar levels of satisfaction within their relationship(s) and that the mechanisms that affect relational and sexual satisfaction are similar for both CNM and monogamous individuals. Our research extends theoretical understandings of motivation within romantic relationships and suggests that SDT is a useful framework for considering the impact of sexual motivation on relational outcomes.

Couples who use pornography together (shared pornography use) and couples in which both members use pornography alone (concordant solitary pornography use) may have more sexual interests, preferences, and values in common than couples in which one couple member uses pornography and the other does not (discordant pornography use). From this perspective, the associations between pornography use, comfort in sexual communication, and relationship closeness should vary depending on patterns of pornography use within relationships. Several related pre-registered hypotheses were tested using an online cross-sectional survey of heterosexual dyads (N = 200) that were quota sampled to reflect the distribution of age and political affiliation of married American couples. Dyadic analysis indicated that participants who shared pornography use with their partner reported more open sexual communication and greater closeness than those that did not. Further, participants who were in relationships that were discordant in solitary pornography use reported more inhibited sexual communication and lower closeness than participants who were in relationships that were concordant in solitary pornography use. In fact, couples who were concordant in high-frequency solitary pornography use reported similar openness in sexual communication and closeness as couples in which neither partner used pornography alone. These findings have important implications for the field, because they reinforce the view that the links between pornography use and relationship health are largely a function of different patterns of pornography use within couples.